well, heres the latest update on my mom. Monday shes coming back to the house, not because she came to her senses and wants to be a mom again, but to square away divorce papers. thats it. its said and done. I personally don't care anymore. I really would have liked for her to come back, to start things again, I was so willing to forgive and move on again that first time, then I get backstabbed....if she would have come back again, she would have had to regain my trust, but now, I'm done. I don't care anymore. really. at first i was upset and distraught, my world collapsed, but I've been on this roller coaster way too much to care anymore. my emotions are done being played with and I'm moving on without her. shes made her biggest regret in life yet again. if you fail to learn from history your doomed to repeat it. boy is she ever repeating it. and this time its gonna hit her 10 times as hard. shes losing so much more.....

honestly right now I don't know what to feel about my mom. I know shes my mom and I should love her, but I don't feel anything towards her like I once did....I'm still fuming with her, I don't trust her, but I also don't feel like I have that special bond anymore. I don't want to see her/talk to her anymore, she wants to be apart of my life, but I don't want to be in contact with her at all anymore. its a weird feeling when you've lost that mother/daughter bond....I'm on such neutral ground feeling with her now...she keeps asking me "do you still love me?" and when i can't give her a straight answer she freaks out! all of a sudden its my fault if my emotions have been played with so much I can't tell anymore? but besides the point. I dunno what the future is going to bring, its been so unpredictable lately, but right now, I don't care. I'm done with this. I'm done crying over spilled milk, and I'm done trying to beat a dead horse. I'm moving on with my life without my mom and thats that.